Embrace Feedback - It's a Gift!

By Andie Radford

You didn’t get the promotion - again. You are never selected for sexy projects, or no matter how hard you work, your annual performance review consistently yields average results.

The reasons careers become stalled are many, but one reason is the inability to accept feedback. To be clear, receiving feedback is hard, but some of the most successful people in life use feedback as an opportunity. An opportunity to reflect, learn and grow. Whether the feedback is positive or negative, embrace it with grace. Feedback is a gift.

It's not really that easy.  Feedback is tricky for a number of reasons:

First, feedback is sometimes unclear or difficult to recognize. It can take the form of a vague or off-handed comment, and be as elusive as a sideways glance or exclusion from an important meeting.

Don’t ignore feedback just because it doesn’t hit you between the eyes. Learn how to interpret important feedback clues so that you can adjust your behavior accordingly. “Feedback is everywhere,” says Bill Silverman, owner of AdviCoach Business Coaching of Cherry Hill, New Jersey. “It’s up to you to choose to look for it [but remember that] you are always in control.” Silverman recommends that employees be proactive and take opportunities to set a tone, with a boss or co-worker, that encourages honest feedback in the working relationship.

Secondly, the truth about feedback is that it’s usually someone’s opinion and there are times when the feedback is not sincere. But before you dismiss feedback, be sure to take a look in the mirror. Honest feedback can sting, so think twice before killing the messenger. “It can be difficult for anybody to take negative feedback,” says Dorothy Stubblebine, SPHR, and managing principal, DJS Associates of Mantua, NJ, who strongly recommends that you ask for time to think about difficult or negative feedback. “Tell [the feedback giver] that they’ve made very thoughtful comments and that you need time to think about them. You always think differently the next day - you will at least be calmer. You need that time.”

While it’s important to evaluate the merit of honest feedback, it’s also important to dismiss disingenuous feedback altogether. “When feedback is provided as a way to control or manipulate behaviors that are not in your best interest, it’s not a gift,” says Bill Silverman, who advises employees to ask for additional feedback from more credible sources. “Consistent feedback is meaningful.”

Thirdly, feedback is dependent upon the skill of the messenger. When delivered successfully, feedback is timely, relevant, clear and most of all constructive. However, depending upon the skill of the messenger, any one of these elements can be missing. Give the messenger a break. Providing feedback is sometimes tougher than receiving it. Dorothy Stubblebine advises managers to prepare for feedback sessions by doing research and collecting specific examples. “Feedback takes courage. You don’t do anyone a favor when you are not clear in your feedback. The end result is nothing changes,” Stubblebine says.

For the employee, Stubblebine also recommends seeking the input of a trusted advisor. When feedback is unclear it is important to seek clarity. Seek the input of someone you trust who has observed the behavior in question she advises.

Lastly, feedback can be misplaced. There are times when feedback is based on inaccurate data or misunderstandings. In these situations it is always important to respond, but be cautious with your approach. “You don’t want to be pegged as someone who gets defensive. It can be very costly to your career,” says Stubblebine who thinks it’s appropriate to take a few days to consider putting a thoughtful rebuttal in writing, especially in the case of a performance review.

Feedback happens to everyone. Some of us are better at receiving it than others. Unfortunately, it does not always come packaged in a nice box tied with a pretty bow. Sometimes the feedback hurts like a booster shoot, but like most vaccinations, you know it’s good for you in the long run. 

“Feedback usually is a gift. Be thankful someone took the time to provide information on how you are showing up in the world,” Bill Silverman says.

SIDEBAR:

Got a negative performance review? Follow these tips:

1. Ask for specific examples if the feedback is unclear. Don’t automatically ask for an example as a defensive reflex, but as a sincere effort to put the feedback in its’ proper context.
2. Ask for examples of acceptable performance. This will give you an idea of what success looks like.
3. Formulate an action plan. Think about why your performance suffered. Was it lack of skill? Lack of experience? Job fit? The answer to these questions requires specific action. Take the time to reflect, and formulate a plan. The best defense to a difficult situation is a well-defined plan, including an exit strategy if necessary.
4. Don’t berate yourself. Accepting feedback is hard, but don’t let it define you. Take some time to quietly reflect on your personal strengths and talents to quiet the negative thoughts in your head. Remember that you will be observed not for the specific feedback you received, but by how well you responded.
5. Be gracious about the feedback and thank your manager for caring enough to tell you the truth.Embrace Feedback!