Don't Hate Your Job - Get a Plan!

At some point in our lives we all have a job we hate.  We hate it for a number of reasons:  The assignment; the boss; the co-worker.  Whatever the reason, there is always a way out of a miserable job situation.  The most important thing is to get a plan.

Like a butterfly fighting its way out of a cocoon before it can fly, miserable job experiences are a necessary part of career development.  To deal with a bad job situation, you’ve got to diagnose the source of misery, formulate a plan and execute it.

Diagnosis the Source of Misery

To diagnose a specific source of job misery, ask yourself a few questions.  Are you outside of your skill level?  Do you have a bad boss? Do you hate your co-workers?  Answers to questions like these will help you determine your next steps.

If you struggle to answer these questions honestly, seek help from trusted friends.  Ask for insight from an objective perspective, but be wary of sharing your feelings with co-workers, unless you are certain your “business” will not be placed on the office grapevine.  (Quick Note: One sure way to sabotage your career is to become branded as "miserable.")

Formulate the Plan

The specifics of a plan may vary based on the diagnosis.  The paragraphs that follow describe possible strategies for common sources of job misery.

1. Outside of your skill level – There are several reasons you might find yourself outside of your skill level.  The job is new.   You are new (to the company or the workforce).   The job is not what you expected. Whatever the specific reason, the plan for this scenario is similar. 

•  Determine if time is on your side.  If you are new to your role, don’t put too much pressure on yourself.  Take a deep breath and start working on your personal development plan.  The first six months on a job are considered the “honeymoon” period.  Use this time to get to know your co-workers and talk with important stakeholders to get perspective.  Develop a 90-day or 180-day plan and share it with your boss for input.  Getting input gives you clues about the things you should be focused on in your new role.

• Don’t over-react to negative feedback.  Feedback is a gift.  Take the time to analyze the feedback and make every effort to correct it!  Ask for help when you need it.  If the feedback is outside of the scope of our ability, be honest with yourself about that (see the next point).

•  Find an exit strategy.  If the skills required for the job are no match for your talents or interests, make plans to find another job.  Avoid quitting if you can.  It’s usually easier to find a job when you already have one.   However, if you find yourself at the end of your rope, ask for a transfer or even a demotion to bide your time until you can find another job.

2. Incompetent Boss – This one’s tough, but you can survive.  First of all, remember that everybody is human, and wants to be loved - even a monstrous boss!  So get through this situation by analyzing your boss and figuring out what makes him or her tick.  As long as your boss is in charge, make it a priority to meet her where she is.  This may require major sucking up, but remember, the only thing constant is change.  Your boss will not be your boss forever.  One of you will leave eventually, but if you are the one leaving, you want to be sure it’s on good terms.  

Be wary of “turning in” a bad boss because it can backfire.  However, if your boss’ behavior is illegal or against company policy, do tell someone. Contact your human resources representative, the compliance department, or another member of management as soon as possible. Retaliation in employment situations can be considered illegal and/or against company policy. 

3. Obnoxious Co-worker – This one’s easy.  Remember that you are at work to do the best you can.  If you have a co-worker who seems to get in the way of this, find a way to make your own work expectations clear.  In other words, put your co-worker on notice about your boundaries without malice or contempt.  Keep in mind, most people don’t try to make a habit out of being annoying or obnoxious.

Execute the Plan

Executing a plan is much easier after diagnosing the source of misery and formulating a plan.  However, don’t expect overnight results.  Executing the plan to address job misery can take time and patience.  Find comfort in the fact that you are taking steps to address the situation.  If you fail, try again.  Continued misery is certain if you do nothing!

Finally, everyone goes through tough times on the job – EVERYONE.  The important things to remember are:  1. Keep your head up.  2.  Professionalism matters and 3. This too will pass!  The best thing about difficult times at work is that we learn, we grow, and we always survive.

Beware of Cupid's Arrow at Work

Inter-office romance is quite common. In fact, a 2009 survey conducted by Vault.com indicates that almost 50% of its’ survey participants admitted to having an office romance. In another survey by CareerBuilder.com, 31% of the participants indicated that their office romance resulted in marriage.

So what’s the big deal? Why should anyone be leery of office romance? The answer depends on how much you value your career. Depending on the circumstances, office romance can become a detractor from an otherwise successful career.

Consider the following 3 reasons to avoid office romance:

1. Company policy might prohibit office romance. Some companies have policies that provide guidance for office romance. Be sure your company does not prohibit office romance altogether. With or without formal policies, some companies have unwritten rules for romantic behavior in the work place. Be sure you know what’s at stake before you agree to that first date at work.

2. Failed office relationships cause awkward situations. If your ex-romance partner works in the same department, attends the same meetings or participates on the same teams, work can become very stressful. Work is stressful enough without the added pressure of managing a failed relationship at work. Additionally, if either party handles the break-up poorly, the result can turn into a performance issue for both parties.

3. Dating a subordinate or direct report is unwise. Never date a direct report if you are a supervisor or manager. The stakes are too high. Not only do you risk being accused of playing favorites with your lover, you also risk the potential of a sexual harassment claim the minute you demote, fire, discipline or fail to promote your ex-lover.

If you find yourself smitten at work and feel comfortable navigating the 3 reasons to avoid an office romance above, then at least consider the following dos and don’ts as a final test before pursuing a romantic relationship at work:

DO remain discreet. Office romance might be acceptable at your company, but please be sure your behavior is appropriate. Most people expect a professional environment at work. Avoid stealing kisses in unoccupied conference rooms, break rooms and offices. You might think you are being discreet with these behaviors, but office rumors get started based on what people believe to be true, not what they actually see. There is a lot to talk about when two people are seen spending a lot of time together behind closed doors.

DON’T have an affair at work if you are married; and don’t have an affair with a married co-worker if you are single. This is not a values judgment; however, don’t risk your professional reputation on what others might view as bad judgment on your part.

DON’T sleep with your boss to get ahead. This is a values judgment.

DO be honest about a serious relationship at work and ask to be moved if you and your romantic partner work in the same department. You will be respected for your professionalism and integrity.

Embrace Feedback - It's a Gift!

By Andie Radford

You didn’t get the promotion - again. You are never selected for sexy projects, or no matter how hard you work, your annual performance review consistently yields average results.

The reasons careers become stalled are many, but one reason is the inability to accept feedback. To be clear, receiving feedback is hard, but some of the most successful people in life use feedback as an opportunity. An opportunity to reflect, learn and grow. Whether the feedback is positive or negative, embrace it with grace. Feedback is a gift.

It's not really that easy.  Feedback is tricky for a number of reasons:

First, feedback is sometimes unclear or difficult to recognize. It can take the form of a vague or off-handed comment, and be as elusive as a sideways glance or exclusion from an important meeting.

Don’t ignore feedback just because it doesn’t hit you between the eyes. Learn how to interpret important feedback clues so that you can adjust your behavior accordingly. “Feedback is everywhere,” says Bill Silverman, owner of AdviCoach Business Coaching of Cherry Hill, New Jersey. “It’s up to you to choose to look for it [but remember that] you are always in control.” Silverman recommends that employees be proactive and take opportunities to set a tone, with a boss or co-worker, that encourages honest feedback in the working relationship.

Secondly, the truth about feedback is that it’s usually someone’s opinion and there are times when the feedback is not sincere. But before you dismiss feedback, be sure to take a look in the mirror. Honest feedback can sting, so think twice before killing the messenger. “It can be difficult for anybody to take negative feedback,” says Dorothy Stubblebine, SPHR, and managing principal, DJS Associates of Mantua, NJ, who strongly recommends that you ask for time to think about difficult or negative feedback. “Tell [the feedback giver] that they’ve made very thoughtful comments and that you need time to think about them. You always think differently the next day - you will at least be calmer. You need that time.”

While it’s important to evaluate the merit of honest feedback, it’s also important to dismiss disingenuous feedback altogether. “When feedback is provided as a way to control or manipulate behaviors that are not in your best interest, it’s not a gift,” says Bill Silverman, who advises employees to ask for additional feedback from more credible sources. “Consistent feedback is meaningful.”

Thirdly, feedback is dependent upon the skill of the messenger. When delivered successfully, feedback is timely, relevant, clear and most of all constructive. However, depending upon the skill of the messenger, any one of these elements can be missing. Give the messenger a break. Providing feedback is sometimes tougher than receiving it. Dorothy Stubblebine advises managers to prepare for feedback sessions by doing research and collecting specific examples. “Feedback takes courage. You don’t do anyone a favor when you are not clear in your feedback. The end result is nothing changes,” Stubblebine says.

For the employee, Stubblebine also recommends seeking the input of a trusted advisor. When feedback is unclear it is important to seek clarity. Seek the input of someone you trust who has observed the behavior in question she advises.

Lastly, feedback can be misplaced. There are times when feedback is based on inaccurate data or misunderstandings. In these situations it is always important to respond, but be cautious with your approach. “You don’t want to be pegged as someone who gets defensive. It can be very costly to your career,” says Stubblebine who thinks it’s appropriate to take a few days to consider putting a thoughtful rebuttal in writing, especially in the case of a performance review.

Feedback happens to everyone. Some of us are better at receiving it than others. Unfortunately, it does not always come packaged in a nice box tied with a pretty bow. Sometimes the feedback hurts like a booster shoot, but like most vaccinations, you know it’s good for you in the long run. 

“Feedback usually is a gift. Be thankful someone took the time to provide information on how you are showing up in the world,” Bill Silverman says.

SIDEBAR:

Got a negative performance review? Follow these tips:

1. Ask for specific examples if the feedback is unclear. Don’t automatically ask for an example as a defensive reflex, but as a sincere effort to put the feedback in its’ proper context.
2. Ask for examples of acceptable performance. This will give you an idea of what success looks like.
3. Formulate an action plan. Think about why your performance suffered. Was it lack of skill? Lack of experience? Job fit? The answer to these questions requires specific action. Take the time to reflect, and formulate a plan. The best defense to a difficult situation is a well-defined plan, including an exit strategy if necessary.
4. Don’t berate yourself. Accepting feedback is hard, but don’t let it define you. Take some time to quietly reflect on your personal strengths and talents to quiet the negative thoughts in your head. Remember that you will be observed not for the specific feedback you received, but by how well you responded.
5. Be gracious about the feedback and thank your manager for caring enough to tell you the truth.Embrace Feedback!